Practical Wisdom: The Beautiful Madness of Loving Another Human

Valentine’s Day rolls around each year wrapped in pink paper and high expectations. Everywhere you look, someone’s talking about soul contracts, divine partnership, and finding “the one.” It all sounds so miraculous… until your beloved leaves their socks in the middle of the floor again or asks what you meant by something you felt was perfectly obvious.

Relationships are holy. They’re also a bit of a wild ride!

And thank goodness for that, because if soul contracts truly exist, they’re certainly not seated in perfection. Instead, they’re shaped in the wonderfully imperfect territory where two humans try to share a life without fully knowing how to be human yet.

I’m grateful to have found the one I’m meant to walk beside for the rest of this lifetime. What we share feels ancient at times, like recognition rather than discovery. There are many moments when we understand each other without words, when something quiet and interior says, Ah… there you are.

And there are also moments when we misunderstand each other entirely and wonder how two intelligent people can hear the same sentence and arrive in completely different emotional zip codes.

Both experiences are sacred.

So are we soulmates? Did we plan this? Did our souls gather somewhere before birth, sip celestial tea, and agree to meet at precisely the right moment?

Maybe. I’d like to think so. It feels like that. Afterall, its possible soulmates aren’t found through cosmic perfection but through courageous participation.

Let’s step back for a moment.

The idea of soul contracts appears in many spiritual and philosophical traditions. At its heart is a simple, comforting possibility: that the soul is interested in growth and may orient itself toward people and experiences that help that growth unfold.

This orientation is not always easy – but its most certainly transformative.

Here’s something we don’t say often enough:

Your soulmate is not the person who completes you. Your soulmate is the person who reveals you.

Sometimes gently.
Sometimes inconveniently.
Sometimes with the emotional subtlety of a marching band.

The imperfections we encounter in one another act like mirrors. They show us where we’re still tender, where we’ve armored ourselves, where love is asking us to widen. Mark and I are in our twenty-sixth year together, and I am continually amazed at the ways we bump uncomfortably into our own expectations and judgements about our relationship and each other.

Growth rarely happens while everything is going smoothly. It happens in the friction, in the repair after misunderstanding, and in the brave return after we’ve pulled away.

A soulful relationship isn’t one where conflict never visits. It’s one where love stays curious enough to grow.

So… How Do You Find Your Soulmate?

Most people expect lightning. Fireworks. Immediate certainty. Occasionally, that happens. More often, soul recognition feels surprisingly calm, familiar, and spacious. You don’t feel the need to perform. There’s no need to be smaller in their presence. Something in your nervous system sighs.

Finding your soulmate isn’t about hunting for perfection. It’s about becoming someone who can recognize resonance.

Here are a few quieter ways soulmates tend to appear:

• You meet when you’re willing to be seen in truly authentic ways.
• There’s mutual expansion.
• You can disagree without fearing the end.
• They reflect you back to yourself. Note – this is not always the version you prefer… but always the one that’s ready to grow.
• And perhaps most importantly: You choose each other again and again.

Because here’s the part Hollywood skips — soulmate love isn’t found once. It’s chosen repeatedly.

On ordinary Tuesdays.
In hard conversations.
While deciding what to have for dinner for the thousandth time.

The soulmate relationship isn’t just a destined meeting.  It’s a relationship meant to grow and expand through devotion and courage – which are not always present in the same breath!

Like many couples, Mark and I share a song that we heard early in our relationship and had played on the day we committed ourselves to each other. These words are the ones that remind me what love is all about:

“Love is born in fire; it's planted like a seed.
Love can't give you everything, but it gives you what you need.
Love comes when you are ready, love comes when you're afraid;
It'll be your greatest teacher, the best friend you have made.

So give yourself to love if love is what you're after;
Open up your hearts to the tears and laughter
And give yourself to love, give yourself to love.”

Yes – Love is our greatest teacher.

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends ♥️

Here’s a link in case you’d like to hear the whole song.