Practical Wisdom: Loving Yourself While Loving Another

You might wonder why I’m writing about midlife when I am a decade past it. The answer is simple: It was the hardest time in my marriage. Mark and I have done lots of work to recover from the trauma and drama that happened because we didn’t understand how much each of would change. Our work today is to help couples avoid the impact we experienced.

Midlife (menopause and andropause) is a Rite of Passage

It has a way of pressing pause on old patterns and pressing play on deeper truths. The relationships that carried us through our twenties and thirties often meet a threshold in our forties, fifties, and beyond. Our bodies have shifted. Our dreams have stretched in new directions. Even our souls have widened with wisdom. Love is asked to change with us.

So how do we continue to love another while learning, perhaps for the first time, how to truly love ourselves?

The Dance Between Two Loves

When we are young, love can feel like merging. We give, we bend, and we stretch to fit each other’s shapes. Midlife calls us into a new kind of dance. It invites us to stand fully in our own wholeness while still holding the hand of another.

Self-love is not selfish. It is the soil that nourishes every relationship we touch. When we fail to root into our own worth, we risk asking our partner to carry needs that only we can fulfill. Loving ourselves means tending our bodies with rest, listening to our emotions without shame, and honoring our boundaries as sacred.

Allowing Space and Sovereignty

Midlife relationships thrive when we allow space for each person to grow. We do not need to agree on everything. We do not need to share every passion. What we need is room for expansion and evolution. Sovereignty means knowing who you are and standing in that truth. It creates a foundation strong enough for two whole beings to walk side by side.

Picture two trees growing next to one another. Each tree has its own roots and its own branches reaching for the sun. When the roots intertwine, they do not strangle. They strengthen.

Loving Without Losing Yourself

The invitation of midlife is to bring tenderness inward while still extending it outward. You can say, “I love you deeply, and I will not abandon myself to keep you comfortable. I will listen to my needs with the same reverence I give yours.”

This balance transforms relationships. Resentment gives way to respect. Conflict becomes an opportunity for clarity. Love stays alive not through sacrifice but through authenticity.

A Practice to Try

Tonight, stand before the mirror and place your hand over your heart. Say your own name softly, as you would to someone you love. Speak these words, “I love you. I honor you. I will not abandon you.”
Tomorrow, when you look at your partner, let that same love flow outward. Not from emptiness, but from fullness. This is how midlife relationships flourish. Two whole hearts, each tending its own flame, choosing to walk together in the glow.

Journal Prompts for Reflection
1. How do I currently show love and care for myself in daily life?
2. Where do I tend to give away too much of myself in relationships?
3. What boundaries would allow me to stay true to myself while remaining open to love?
4. In what ways do I feel strengthened by my partner’s growth, and in what ways do I resist it?
5. What does it mean to me to be both sovereign and deeply connected at this stage of life?

A Simple Ceremony of Self and Shared Love

Set aside a quiet evening. Light a single candle and place it between you and your partner, or if you are practicing alone, place it before a mirror. Sit comfortably and take three slow breaths. Place one hand on your heart and say aloud, “I honor the love that lives within me.” If you are with your partner, invite them to do the same.

Next, take each other’s hands, or if you are alone, rest your other hand over the candlelight. Speak these words: “I offer love to you without losing myself. I honor who I am and who you are. Together or apart, our love is made stronger by truth.”

Sit for a few moments in silence, letting the flame remind you that love grows brighter when it is tended from within.

COMING SOON

Sacred Menopause is more than a book. It is a companion for the holy initiation of midlife, a guide that helps you move through confusion to clarity and confidence. Within these pages you’ll find stories, journal prompts, ceremonies, wisdom, and practices that honor your body, your soul, your work and your relationships. This stage of life is the opening of a doorway into your deepest power and most luminous life.